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Sun, Sep. 26th, 2004, 01:05 pm
home, home on the range

i am a pathetic loser. i haven't posted in forever. sorry.

i'm at home on the family's computer, realizing how wonderful this computer actually is. it doesn't do the weird flashing thing that my computer does.

mmm, my mom is cooking my absolute favorite meal ever. chicken caccitore (pronounced: chicken catch-a-tori) some wonderous meal of chicken, tomatoes, onions, herbs and spices all on a wonderful bed of noodles. yummy.

so like i mentioned previously, i am at home. it's the first time i've been home since i left for college on august 14. i've forgotten how wonderful it is to look into the refridgerator and see actual food. or how delightfully surprising it is to wash clothes without paying for it (even better when mommy does it for me). ahh, the beauty of living at home.

i do like school though. i really do. i enjoy my classes and the knowledge i am gaining through them. i feel like i'm learning so much. i feel like i'm understanding things i'd been questioning before. so that's good. and i just love the atmosphere. the people are so awesome. i'm making friends that i hope last a long time. and i'm living in a city. that in itself is cool. i love cincinnati. i know that there are several people (even amongst my friends) that hate the city, but i think i was created for city-living. i can't explain why. i just do. i love the sights. i love that there is a coffee shop on every street corner it seems. i love seeing people outside all the time. i even love the smells. crazy, maybe, but that's my prerogative.

anyway, i'm tired. and i'm going to take advantage of the air conditioned house i'm in for as long as i can. sleep calls out to me. goodnight, my children.

Mon, Sep. 6th, 2004, 12:31 pm
call me indiana jones

it's been quite the adventure since my last post. i've gotten through a week and a half of classes. that's good, right? i don't feel like i'm going to die of stress anymore. which is a blessing all in itself. *thank you Jesus.* and for the most part, i enjoy my classes. granted, there are a couple that are dragging, but that was expected. oh, and i dropped beginning class piano. i think perhaps next semester i'll take private lessons. hopefully, anyway. i've already missed a day of classes which kind of stunk, but i'm catching myself up and doing alright. reason for missing class? i had to undergo a whole body bone scan. reason for the whole body bone scan? to find out i had a stress fracture in my left leg right underneath my knee on the shin. but, i already knew that would be the prognosis. the doctors just wouldn't take my word for it. geez. it's like they had to do their job or something. so now, i'm out of volleyball for a while (still not sure how long, i've gotten contradicting reports from the doctor and the athletic trainer here at cbc) and in the mean time, i'm sporting a lovely aircast. it's quite possibly the hottest thing anyone's ever seen. i'm just sayin. and i'm supposed to wear this delightful thing for 3 weeks. *shudder*

boy, i really need to do laundry. i haven't done any for probably two weeks. or at least a week and a half for sure. is that gross? then consider me disgusting.

i'm hungry. i need food. cafeteria, here i come.

Thu, Aug. 26th, 2004, 07:54 am
discontentment served right.

holy cow. my life is traveling faster than the speed of light, i'm pretty sure. classes started yesterday. and if i do say so myself, they were completely overwhelming. maybe it's just a case of freshman-in-college anxiety, something that will be cured the longer i'm here, but nonetheless, yesterday was a horrible day. in every class, i was preached at and preached at about the importance of attendance. i realize that attendance is important, heck, it's how you pass a class, but with volleyball, i know i'm going to be missing tons of class. that in itself is scaring me to death. in case you don't know, i am quite the perfectionist. if i get a B in a class, i feel like a failure. if it's not an A, it's not acceptable for me. so missing that much class is pretty much ensuring me a B or lower. and that sucks anus. a lot. i like playing volleyball, but it's not my main reason for being at cbc. i came here for my education. that is first. with that in mind, i've been debating long and hard, praying steadfastly, on whether or not i should continue my volleyball days. college is a huge smack in my face that i'm not sure i was ready for. and even more now, with me being hurt, i feel like without volleyball, my life would run so much more smoothly. granted, i love volleyball (or at least i did in high school), but is it really worth it, with all this i'm going through and struggling with? shoot, i haven't even gotten a job yet! how am i going to balance all the hats on my head?

*Jesus, come quickly. take over my life. use me. focus every bit of attention on You. help me to realize You come first, everything else just follows. show me Your will. put the desire in my heart to do what You want me to do. be with my health, help the tests and x-rays to go well today. help the doctors know what to do and how to fix me. love me, Lord. i need you more and more each minute.*

p.s. it's brian beyke's birthday today! happy birthday, dude! yay for him.

Sat, Aug. 21st, 2004, 10:25 am
this stamp on my hand is fading.

i have officially completed my first week of college at Cincinnati Bible College (soon to be Cincinnati Christian University, i believe). and i'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. i am worn out to the point of physical sickness. with early week class lasting seven and a half hours each day, two-a-day volleyball practices (one at 6 a.m. and the other at 7 p.m.), studying for my daily quizzes for my class the next day, and trying to have a life in the midst of all that, i have gone beyond the barrier of being tired. i don't think i've ever been so exhausted. don't get me wrong, i love college and am having the time of my life, i just need to get used to such strain on my sleeping schedule. i don't think that the upcoming semester will be half as bad because i won't be having just one class lasting me all day. i'll have breaks. and my classes won't last until 4 or 5 each day. granted, volleyball will still kick my butt, but that's just something i'm going to have to get used to, i suppose. all in all, i am so happy i'm here. i've met many tremendous people and have started building friendships with them. i've gotten closer with old friends. and i'm learning to live on my own. yay.

last night, i went to roh's street cafe to see andrea summer, godsmyhomeslice, and vinny play. as much as i've seen of these people, i never get tired of hearing them. God has blessed each one of them with such an amazing gift of music and He's going to use them for His Kingdom in a phenomenal way. mark played some instrumental music, and wow, he blew me away. i was definitely impressed. i'd never heard him play by himself. incredible. and honestly, i never heard vinny play or sing by himself either, and i was equally impressed. God has really blessed them with the gift of music. and i'm glad i get to hear it.

more people are moving in today. i'm excited and scared. i mean, i guess more excited than scared. just a mixture of feelings. more than that, it means more names to remember. shesh. i once thought i was good with names. but i'm realizing i'm not...or at least when names come in the multiples of a hundred.

well, it's come to the part of the day, where trista becomes social and tries to find something to do. hip hip hooray.

Sat, Aug. 14th, 2004, 11:42 am
it's moving day!

so i'm moving today. in approximately 15 minutes i'm going to be on my way to cincinnati. woot. wish me luck. and pray for me please! i could use all the help i could get.

Tue, Aug. 10th, 2004, 11:33 am
i'm on my 5th pop-ice freezer popsicle.

woot! it's only been 3 days since my last post, and i find myself updating again. perhaps i'll find myself updating more frequently. (or maybe not.)

i've decided i absolutely hate money. and all that it entails. i'm not a fan of writing $786 checks to cbc to ensure my student-hood (what? is that a word?) there at cbc&s. i'm not a fan of spending $127 at walmart for items deemed necessary when staying in a college dorm. i'm not a fan of feeling that at any given moment i could be broke and poor for the rest of my life. which is just another reason why i'm perfectly happy moving to africa to be a missionary, where trade and barter is the only way to live.

so sunday night was amazing. i went to the blue wisp with a group from cbc (and some others that were from michigan) to enjoy some spectacular jazz music. oh my. i can't even begin to tell you how awesome these guys were. the trumpeter was unbelievable. i've never wanted to play the trumpet, but just listening to this guy made me want to pick up a trumpet and wail on it. and the drummer, he was hilarious. his facial expressions while playing were awesome. i could watch him for days. i'm most definitely going back to the blue wips as often as possible once i'm moved in to cbc. ...you know what? i'm excited to be at cbc, but more than that, i'm excited to be living in cincinnati, where i won't have to drive an hour to get to places such as the blue wisp. it will be utopia for me, i'm sure.

um...yeah. so blonde trista is officially dead. it's now dark-brown-almost-natural-hair-color trista. rock out! the sad thing is i dyed my hair yesterday and i don't think anyone will see it for several days. so by the time i see anyone who's anyone, i will have forgotten that i've dyed my hair. so it won't be nearly as fun. and that stinks. but nonetheless, i've got dark hair now. and i love it. yay.

well, i'm off here for now. maybe there will be more fun and interesting updates to follow.

Sat, Aug. 7th, 2004, 10:35 am
chocolate frosting, the breakfast of champions.

awesome. yet again, i've waited long past due, before deciding to update. (this is becoming a habit, si? yes.) it's whatever, i suppose.

so what have i done for two weeks? ahh, yes. during the week of july 26-31 i was off in carbondale, illinois for a CIY conference. it was amazing. i really enjoyed it. this was my first [ever] week of ciy, so that was neat. the group my church took was extremely small. by that i mean, me and one other girl. the one other girl that went with me is awesome. she's 3 or 4 years younger than me, but nonetheless, still amazing. she's had some struggles as we all have, but i got to talk to her a lot more and i feel like we're closer now. so that's good. at first, when i thought of going to ciy without anyone my age i was a little apprehensive. i wasn't quite sure i was going to have any fun. but as the week progressed, i realized the errors of my thoughts. this week wasn't about me having the time of my life with a bunch of friends my age. this week was about me and God. strictly me and God. it was about Him talking to me and showing me what He wants for my life. it was about Him becoming the backbone of everything that is me. it was about me putting my entire self into Him. that's it and nothing less. and now looking back, i am glad that no friends my age were there. though i would have loved them to share the experience with me, i think i developed a deeper trust in God without them. (if that makes any sense.) oh yes. during ciy, a group of representatives from cbc were there trying to get people to sign up for more info from cbc. then towards the end of the week they were going to pick out names for a t-shirt or scholarship. and oh heck yeah, i won one of the $2000 scholarships. it was a blessing like no other.

then after coming home on saturday the 31st, i had to unpack and repack for church camp that i was going to on sunday the 1st. (if you know me, you know how much i hate unpacking. i think it could be one of the worst things known to man...right under mayonnaise. so this in itself was quite a task.) sunday afternoon i was on my way to camp northward for a great week of being faculty for 11 and 12 year olds. i love that week. my dad is the dean, the other faculty are amazing, and the kids are great, so it makes for an all-around pleasant week. i'm going to be sad if i can't work it next year. anyway, camp was a blast. i couldn't have asked for a better ending to my summer.

sometime during the week i was gone to camp, i got a letter in the mail from cbc. it was concerning volleyball, listing the games, practice times, etc. looking at the schedule for august 16-20 i noticed something very strange. not only will we be having two-a-day practices, but we will be having practice from 6-7:30 a.m. i'm going to die! haha. i don't think i've ever even seen the day at 6 in the morning. (okay, i lied, but it's not very often that i awake at that time.) so i go to practice from 6-7:30, then i have class from either 8 or 9-5, then i have practice again from 7-9 p.m. then after that i'll be doing homework from my early week class. and somewhere in the mix of all that, i've got to find a job. yeah! life is awesome. haha. (do me a favor, and pray for me during that week. that maybe i won't die from exhaustion. thanks.)

life is going so fast. it seems like just last week i was graduating. but here, next week, actually exactly one week from today, i will be moved in at cbc. craziness, i say, craziness. i'm really excited. i just feel really frazzled because i feel like i'm not prepared. prepared for what exactly? i don't know...i just feel unprepared. eh, so be it. such is life, right? okay. well. i need a shower. so i'm out. expect to hear from me again in about a month. ha.

good day all.

Tue, Jul. 20th, 2004, 01:13 am
i taught someone the word palindrome today.

a long time. it's be quite a long time since my last update. i'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain a steady, on-going journal these days. there's so much going on in my life i can hardly believe it.

i had a fabulous time in miami. i saw the ocean. it took my breath away. it completely redefined my outlook on beauty. God is such an artist. one day while on the beach, i decided God's voice would sound like the ocean, calm and soothing, but powerful enough that when you're really nearby, it blocks out all the other noise to the point of where that's all i want to concentrate on. if only i were always that close to God.

and i've discovered i really like palm trees. and city living.

i move into dorm life at cbc on august 14th or 15th (i'm still not quite sure when). i'm extremely excited. college is going to kick my butt, i'm certain. however, i'm ready to learn. i'm ready for people to inspire me, teach me, make me dig for my own answers. i'm ready. ready to get out on my own, be me, be independent. yeah, definitely ready.

and you know what's stupid? that it's 3:01 right now actually, so that means it took me almost two flippin' hours to write a smidge more than 2 paragraphs. amazing. i'm a genius.

i hope you enjoyed the update. don't expect another one for awhile. ha. i'm just that cool.

i love lamp.

Sun, Jul. 4th, 2004, 01:03 pm
i bought over sized sunglasses. on purpose. fashion disaster? i think not.

i love the smell of charcoal grills. and fireworks. and gasoline. i'm not even sure why. perhaps because it makes me nostalgic. it reminds me of summer and good times. and road trips. yeah, maybe that's why.

i'm realizing more and more that i am an idiot. maybe not so much an idiot. or maybe not even close to an idiot but more like blind. in all aspects of my life. i'm realizing that i have no idea what's good for me. or what i'm good for. but i do know one thing. and that's that God loves me and if i seek Him first, He's not going to fail me. so i think i'm alright with that. i think i'm alright with putting my selfish wants and desires behind me and just full-fledged seeking God.

lately i've been drawing so close to God. and it's amazing how many people (especially my friends) are doing the same. you know, it's awesome to see the growth of a person. and not even just awesome, but more like awe-inspiring. i've been so blessed over the last couple weeks to have had a great friend stick by my side when i've been in a funk. it's been hard dealing with some decisions i've made (even though i know they were for the best) and she's been there with me to talk and help me draw near to God in a low point in my life. it's been an amazing couple of weeks that i wouldn't trade for anything. ever. By her openness to God and allowing God to use her, she's touched my life and we've developed a friendship that's closer than probably any i've ever had. what's great is the fact that we're growing together towards God. we're talking about everything that haunts us and tortures us inside and that in turn bonds us tightly. we're allowing God to take over our hearts and use us for His glory. we're actually (and finally) being set free from ourselves. we're both realizing and growing so much and i know that by seeing her mature in her faith, it's exciting me and making me want to grow just that much more. it's truly incredible. and i'm blessed. it's awesome that God places people together at just the right times. with God everything runs so smoothly and correctly. i'm in utter awe.

we're leaving for miami tonight at midnight. it's going to be the longest drive of my entire life. some 18 hours or something. i'm praying that the four of us girls are able to handle it. i'm praying for safety and no bickering. i'm praying for time to zoom by. i'm praying for FUN! and i'm praying God uses me in some way. as a witness to someone or anyway at all. i just want Him to use me. i just want to be used.

i've never seen the ocean. i'm so excited. i'm hoping that it makes me feel humbled and small. one day i want to wake up early enough to go down to the beach and watch the sunrise from there. i hope it takes my breath away. man, i'm so pumped! i can't wait! i'm going to use all 5 rolls of newly boughten film. it's going to be amazing. i'm certain.

yeah, well call me queen of procrastination. i still have to pack and maybe even finish a load or two of laundry. i need to get on that. ha. right now. so wish me a great week. and i'll wish you one too. good day.

Mon, Jun. 28th, 2004, 09:36 pm
i like puffy clouds that make me think of cotton candy and run away balloons.

it is time.

time for a change in my life. time to depend fully on God. let Him take me wherever it is He takes me. let Him make my decisions for me. let Him be me. time to be independent, yet dependent. time to realize everything i do will fall back on me, no one else but me. but i also need to realize that if i'm depending on God every second of the day then i won't need to worry that my actions are going to fall back on me, because i can use that as a witness to others. time to grow into the young, Christian woman Jesus is calling me to be. time to quit making excuses. time to stop everything that is standing in the way of my relationship with Christ. time to be so passionate about God that nothing else in my life matters. time to be compassionate and merciful and loving. to others. like Jesus Christ was and is.

it is time.

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